If You Didn’t Like Captain Marvel, It’s Probably Because You’re a Horrible Person

I saw Captain Marvel with the family this past weekend, and I have to say, it was just a really solid, fun, kick ass movie. It was pretty much everything you could ask for in an action movie. I had seen some bad reviews, and I’m gonna have to say that they all seem like excuses not to like what is, at its core, just a damn fun film. And any soundtrack that features Garbage, Heart and Hole pretty much has me hooked.

Now I will excuse people who just don’t like superhero movies or action movies. This was not Citizen Kane, nor was it trying to be. But if you liked any of the Avengers movies and you are trying to justify not liking Captain Marvel, well, you’re probably just awful.

It had great action, a reasonable plot to hang things on, a nice twist and some really terrific actors. And I’m just gonna say, one of my new favorite heroes.

I loved the character of Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel. She was a perfect action movie hero. I loved the swagger, the cocky smile, the wisecracks. The fact that she just took charge because she was the character who knew the most about what was going on and was the best qualified to deal with it, so of course she should be in the driver’s seat.

If Brie Larson as a cocky fighter pilot who bends the rules and saves the day bothers you but Tom Cruise as a cocky fighter pilot who bends the rules and saves the day doesn’t, you’re gonna need to figure out why, and I suspect you won’t come out looking good.

Which brings me to the main thrust of my argument in this post. The movie got a lot of pre release trolling from people who for some reason, didn’t like a film they hadn’t even seen, because they felt somehow excluded or threatened that somebody else was going to be the target audience. These people are like the Grinch, except it’s not their hearts, it’s their dicks that are two sizes too small.

Captain Marvel is a hero who inspires. Now, I’m an old, straight, white guy. There are plenty of straight, white, male heroes on film from whom I can be expected draw inspiration, and I am confident enough that I’m OK with the fact that Captain Marvel may not have been written specifically for me. Representation does matter, and if a superhero movie with a kick ass female lead is aimed at inspiring young women, maybe let’s see that as a good thing.

I saw critical reviews complain because she started off badass and remained badass, didn’t have a real montage-style transformation. I saw complaints that there was no romantic interest. Well John McClane and Maverick and Indiana Jones and everybody Schwarzenegger ever played all started out badass. Maybe they had a moment of doubt to overcome, but they were never not heroic. And as far as the lack of a romance, she’s on a time sensitive mission to save the world. She’s not here to flirt. She’s here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and she’s all out of bubble gum. So stop making excuses to dislike the film.

Now, I will repeat, I loved this character. I didn’t have a crush on Captain Marvel. And I’m going to make this distinction, because I think it lies at the heart of the unjustified  hate this movie got. I had a crush on Black Widow. I had a crush on Wonder Woman. But I didn’t want to be with Captain Marvel. wanted to be like Captain Marvel.

The moment of doubt she has to overcome, when she looks back over her life to all the times she’s fallen, and then the film segues into a montage of all the times she got the hell back up? When she embraces her humanity and throws off her alien shackles and unleashes righteous vengeance?

Well that’s just Goddamn epic.

And if you can’t appreciate that, well…

You probably are a terrible person.

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